I’m writing this on Valentine’s Day, so it seems strange to suggest that perhaps the most romantic gesture you can offer your partner is to sleep in separate rooms! In this post I talk about how ‘sleep divorce’ is a growing trend that many couples are claiming is saving their relationships from a real divorce.
A sleep divorce can be sleeping in separate beds or separate rooms. Certainly, this was popular many years ago. I remember my grandparents had separate beds and, to many in their generation, it was quite normal. And, for those that have seen The Crown, this is also a popular option with Royalty! However, I think there’s a stigma attached to this idea of couples sleeping separately; that it’s a sign of trouble in a relationship, that there’s less intimacy, etc. Is this true, and why are more and more people turning to this idea?
Well, you wouldn’t be on this site if you weren’t interested in sleeping better and, whilst our range of pillow sprays are helping thousands of you to get a better night’s sleep, essential oils won’t stop your partner from snoring, kicking you in the night, duvet wars – you get the picture… In our last blog post, we also talked about the distinction between early birds and night owls, and how this difference in when we go to sleep and wake up might be innate and out of our control.
We really value our sleep and, as partners, we might be incompatible sleeping in the same bed. Sleeping separately can help to remove these difficulties we may encounter. Data from surveys is starting to reveal that 30-40% of couples are admitting to doing this, at least some of the time.
Is this a good idea? Well, actually evidence suggests it is. We all know how good we feel following a good night’s sleep. The benefits go way beyond this, though. With better sleep comes an increase in reproductive hormones, an increase in physical desire, and an improvement in your mood and emotions. This would explain why couples that don’t sleep together, may stay together. All those annoying habits that might have led to arguments, such as snoring and taking up too much space, are gone, and you’re left with a more convivial environment in which to slip into the land of nod. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
However, that doesn’t mean we should all start doing this – it is an individual choice, and many couples can’t relax to sleep without their partner being there, so it really depends on your situation. The main takeaway from this post is that we need to remove the stigma from sleeping separately so that, if you want to try it, you won’t feel like it’s a sign that your relationship is failing. A great compromise is starting the evening together, so you still get to experience chatting late at night, reading together, cuddling, intimacy, and then separate at the point of going to sleep, only to return in the morning for a last minute snuggle before starting the day.
If this still feels like it’s a step too far, have a think about how you can nip some of those pesky sleep habits in the bud.
- To avoid being cold in the night because your partner keeps taking the duvet for themselves, invest in a duvet that’s at least one size up from your bed size. This should then mean you’ve both got more to wrestle with and can both be happy.
- For those in love with a snorer, you can encourage them to sleep on their side and you can also try wearing earplugs to soften the sound. Investigate if there are medical issues causing the snoring.
- Finally, come to an agreement about phones and iPads, etc. In later posts I’ll be talking about how these should be banned from the bedroom anyway but maybe your partner’s use of these kind of devices is impacting your own sleep?
Are you someone that has experienced/are experiencing a ‘sleep divorce’? Let us know how you’re finding it. Do you sleep better with or without your partner?
All Blog posts are written by Steven Crumblehulme, the founder of Pillowsprays. Steven has a background in Cognitive Psychology and Holistic Therapies. The Pillowsprays range is a selection of products made using premium essential oils to help you sleep better, naturally.
We’re advocates for singke duvets too! Before the pandemic, we experienced single duvets on double beds across Europe. Thought it odd but it works for us.
I survive hot flushes and night sweats with my 4.5 tog and hubby snuggles cocoon like into his 13.5!
Found your products via those annoying FB ads… but I’m pleased I found you and especially the Sweet Orange, Ylang Ylang, Patchouli and Lime. Love it…. not an old lady fragrance, but clean, fresh and restful.
Looking forward to new scents too.. best wishes.
We still sleep in the same bed , but have separate single duvets, and have since we got together. There’s no arguing over who has pinched the duvet in the night!
I didn’t realise Pillowsprays was such a new business for you. I wish you every success. X